Whoops! (There It Is)
I think most of us can agree that life can sure throw some curve balls. I am a mom and have been for over 12 years. I never thought I’d have 4 children. But as that saying goes, “expect the unexpected”.
Even though I never thought I’d have several children, they were really all planned. Not one of them was unplanned, including my angel baby, Tyler. He would have been number four but passed away at 16 weeks in the womb.
Right after having my youngest, who is now 9 months old, people ask would if we are done. I replied, “I’d love to be done but ultimately it is up to God”. I mean, how can I say absolutely not when we should be open to life. Besides, I was ready to restart my fitness journey and move forward with the MMF organization, 110%. Well, God sure has a sense of humor!
I expected my period early December and even though I felt like it was coming, it just was not happening. For my piece of mind, I took a leftover unused test from my pregnancy with Skylar – my youngest. I knew it would be negative because I had tracked my cycle and was not showing signs of ovulation. Much to my shock & surprise, it came out very positive. I cried and cried. I called my mother and cried some more and just laid numb on the couch for the rest of the day. For days, I did not believe it and was adamant that this was not real. I felt embarrassed, helpless and alone. I was afraid to tell anyone, including my sisters who are my best friends.
After several weeks, I finally decided to go to the doctor. By this time, I was over 10 weeks. This certainly is not too late to go to the OB but with other pregnancies, I’d go as soon as 6-8 weeks. I think a part of me was expecting a false positive pregnancy or a miscarriage.
My husband and I went for the first initial visit. My OB/GYN is a practice of great doctors and I’ve had them all a part of a delivery or a procedure. Needless to say, they know me well and I am very comfortable with all of them. For this particular visit, I had Dr. Maute . She has got to be the sweetest doctor ever &I could talk to her for hours. She was with us when when delivered our Angel Baby and has the greatest bedside manners. Dr. Maute walked in the room and just smiled. With a very positive attitude and outlook, she helped ease the tension and fear I had and reassured me everything would be okay. The ultrasound began and I waited to see if I really had a another little life inside of me. As soon as the ultrasound began…..THERE IT WAS! A strong heartbeat and lots of movement from this little one.
After this appointment, I accepted that God has created this life for a reason. Though I’m unsure why, He has the ultimate plan and I’m just going with it.
Since the initial prenatal visit, I have been back about twice. The baby is still growing and so is my belly. Am I happy ?? Well, I am happy God has chosen me to carry out His plan. But I’m not going to lie, I’m scared! The WHAT IF’s and HOW’s haunt me daily.
Despite my griping and moaning, I do believe these little guys have a reason for being created. It may be a “whoops” on our part but not for God. He doesn’t make mistakes.